Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
