Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
