Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
