How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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