Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
