Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
