I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
