This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
