I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your cock deserves a montage
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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