He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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