Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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