he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
