There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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