Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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