So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
be right there i have to get my cape
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
