he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
