She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
