I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
