I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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