Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
