he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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