I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
