The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
