John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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