He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
