is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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