Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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