He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
