if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i came on her dog
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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