I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
