omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
