six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
