i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
