So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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