dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
