Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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