I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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