The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
