This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
