Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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