So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
