there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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