Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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