Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i now understand why vodka
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
