Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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