I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
