What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
nutella sex= disaster
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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