If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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