he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
