We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
