I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Two words: nipple clamps
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
