Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
