It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
