i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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