WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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