I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
