So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
